The Indian Arranged Marriage Scene

She will leave her job.
She will find one close to your place.
She will learn your language.
She will wear what you want her to wear.
She will eat what you want her to eat.
You be pleasant.
You need to lose weight.
You should learn how to cook.
You should wake up early.
Wear that, don't wear that and that and that.
Eat that, don't eat that and that and that.
Get home before he does.
Support him in what he wants to do.
Stop being messy, what will they say?
Please him, please them.
Don't work late.
Don't object.
Don't argue.
Don't protest.
Don't be difficult.
Don't be too smart.
Don't be too proud of yourself.
Don't complain.
Don't state your opinion.
Don't ask for more.
We know what is best for you.
You have no clue what you want.
It is not a big deal.
Bend, contort, change, adjust, pretend.
Toe their line.
You are so useless.
You don't know anything.
What will people think?
Look at her, learn from her.
Accommodate him. Accommodate them.
They're doing you a favor.
We have done a lot for you, be grateful.
Hide your anger.
Hide your pain.
Plaster on a smile.
One meeting is enough.
His degrees are good enough.
Them liking you is enough.
What you want is not important.
What will we tell the relatives?
Don't say you're unhappy.
Say yes.








FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL!

Acceptance.

2019!

I have never been more glad at the end of a year. 2018 was the year everything went to shit. It only gave me excruciating pain, both physical and emotional. God knows I tried so hard. When something has to not happen, it doesn't happen, right? You scream, claw, smash your head on a wall (figuratively), pray, plead, beg and repeat in that particular order, endlessly, and still lose. I tried to hide from people who actually cared for me so they wouldn't see what I completely hopeless mess I had become. I spent the entire year in denial and then suddenly, one day I got over it. Maybe God took pity on me. Acceptance came suddenly but gently. It was almost like God whispering into my ears 'Enough'. Just like that, I reached my limit. I walked away. All the turmoil just evaporated. What happened? I am eternally grateful to whatever force made it possible but I really do want to know how it happened.

      I am still finding my feet. Some days are good, some very bad but I am healing. 2019 began on a great note. I'm hoping it is the stark opposite of its predecessor. That is all we can really do, right? Hope...