Saturday, December 11, 2010
But I like the name of the book. I have never really paid much attention to how time will change over the years. I live in the present and though I have dreams about my future, I've never really given a thought to how things would turn out if my dreams didn't come true, in spite of all my efforts, which brings me to the thought that made me write this.
I know this family, distantly related to mine. They have 3 children and I'm really close to their youngest child, though she is some 8 years younger to me. I've always loved going to their place. Whenever I was at my home town, I would look forward to visiting their place practically every day.
And I remember them to be so happy. There was never a dull moment at their place. Sometimes there would be nothing to do but I would still have fun. I loved their beautiful bungalow and I could stay there all day long.
The son got a job abroad, everything was good. The older daughter got married, everything seemed better. But then the father started to fall sick. I won't go into the details, they're too personal, but he was on some really high medication. But it still wasn't so bad. But then the unthinkable. He took too much of the medication and the medicines made him worse. I heard about it, said a prayer...But when we went to meet him, all my hopes came crashing down. The happy man I had always admired, father to my sweetheart cousin....never had I imagined in my most dreadful dreams that he would be reduced to this state.
Before entering the hospital room, I got a glimpse of him....and I didn't want to go in. I didn't want to see him like that. I could see from his wife's face that she had just cried. I myself had a hard time stopping my tears. I stopped outside, I didn't want to enter. We finally went in. He couldn't speak, he was like in some sort of a delusion, or trance or I don't know. His eyes were empty, they weren't the gentle, knowing eyes of the man I knew. All the time we were there, I didn't open my mouth.
My eyes brimmed with tears when I saw his wife being so strong, supporting him and herself. The young face of hers had suddenly become so old. She spoke to him like he was a child. My thoughts kept turning towards their third child, my sweetheart. I kept thinking about what the poor thing must be going through. Her happy face, at their ever-active happy home, kept flashing before my eyes. I couldn't stop myself and a tear rolled down my cheek...thankfully we had to leave then to catch a train back home.
We came out and so did his wife and she started weeping. I couldn't see it. I couldn't understand the unfairness.
He has never done any harm to anyone, has always been so kind, so giving. Why must this be his fate then??....Aren't there so many more people committing sins everyday, harming and hurting people??...Why is this happening? Does God even exist?..Can't He see the tears they have cried and still never let their faith in Him shake?
How did time change so much??...How did this happy loving family get reduced to this?...It's not fair, it's not correct!
Time is unrelenting. The complete turn their lives took with time only shows how uncertain life is and time is. We are just puppets.....
I don't know what to think, what to believe. What is good? What is evil? Why should we be good, if this is what it all boils down to after half a life spent doing only good?...
I'm not thinking about my future now... what's the point? If I die tomorrow, all my dreams, my thoughts, every thing I have lived for dies with me. And I'll be forgotten one day. My life will have no consequence then.
I'm depressed and I don't know how to pull myself out.......
To every one who happens to read this, whether you know me or not, like me or hate me...please say a prayer for this good but sick man. Please..