Acceptance.

2019!

I have never been more glad at the end of a year. 2018 was the year everything went to shit. It only gave me excruciating pain, both physical and emotional. God knows I tried so hard. When something has to not happen, it doesn't happen, right? You scream, claw, smash your head on a wall (figuratively), pray, plead, beg and repeat in that particular order, endlessly, and still lose. I tried to hide from people who actually cared for me so they wouldn't see what I completely hopeless mess I had become. I spent the entire year in denial and then suddenly, one day I got over it. Maybe God took pity on me. Acceptance came suddenly but gently. It was almost like God whispering into my ears 'Enough'. Just like that, I reached my limit. I walked away. All the turmoil just evaporated. What happened? I am eternally grateful to whatever force made it possible but I really do want to know how it happened.

      I am still finding my feet. Some days are good, some very bad but I am healing. 2019 began on a great note. I'm hoping it is the stark opposite of its predecessor. That is all we can really do, right? Hope...